I haven't spoken today
I recorded some lyrics so I wouldn't forget the melody this morning
And then nothing
I normally don't handle silence well
It makes me nervous
I hear too much both inside my own mind and outside of myself
Was that creak someone trying to break in?
Is hurting myself as good of an idea as my inner monologue makes it sound?
Will I ever really be okay like this?
Normally I would talk to my pets
But when I checked on them they were curled up together
Sleeping soundly with bellies full of good, healthy food
It's nice to see them getting along so well
I wonder if I'll ever have someone like that in my life
I don't want to be a nuisance
I used to sing all the time
And talk to myself
But I got so tired of the comments
To use more breath support when I speak
Questions about why I can't shut up
Asking me who I'm talking to
And being treated like I'm crazy
So, at some point, I just stopped
Sometimes I miss the person I used to be
Before what people thought impacted how I lived
When feeling embarrassed and embarrassing the people around me didn't matter
Because I was having fun
Because I was happy
Before what made me happiest made other people miserable
To keep the peace I got so quiet
My friends actually noticed
It took me a while
But refusing to sell out is so lonely
Not growing up keeps a lot of people at bay
And I tell myself that they're not worth it
But it doesn't make it any easier
And the habits are hard to break
I'm afraid of breaking the silence
After being muted for so long.
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