Phobic

I have a phobia of foreign objects inside of peoples bodies.

It usually manifests in passing out, crying, and fighting nurses every year when I get my flu shot. But, just the idea of the time I accidentally swallowed a bracket on my braces when I was 15 makes me a little lightheaded. I don't even have any tattoos because I worry that the idea of ink inside of my skin will make me want to claw it out of my body in my sleep.

I have intrusive thoughts that scare me. They feel foreign, but familiar enough to keep me from saying them out loud most of the time. But every time I think of driving through a red light and hoping someone will destroy me and my car in one fatal, explosive collision - I get a little more nervous.

I want to shave my head.

Buying a human vertebrae and wearing it as a necklace is a normal, right?

And throwing people near me into oncoming traffic seems so appealing for a split second.

And then I shut my mouth.

Because I am also scared that people will be as afraid of my own internal monologue as I am.