Backsliding is my new hobby
You get out of a shitty situation
A toxic friendship
An abusive relationship
And you feel so good
So empowered
And then after a while
You get bored
Or tired
Or sad
And you're back in it again
The same people
The same old thing
On repeat like a broken record
I'm scratched and water damaged
And going in this stupid circle
And the needle skips backwards every time
Back into the familiar pain
It feels more normal than feeling fine
I'd rather be used that loved
Because it's what I'm used to
My track record is pretty terrible
But I crave familiarity
I crave attention
Even if it's hatred
Even if it's obsession
Annoyance and malicious intent
Posessiveness
Ownership
The sleeve is ripped
The car door slammed
Broken fingers
Bent notes
Skipping backwards
Looping forever
And eventually I'll get knocked on track
At least I hope I will
But when?
And who will care?
Who will notice me when I'm doing ok?
If I'm not in crisis nobody will care if I'm alive or dead
Because there's nothing interesting left in the broken shell
It all poured out
From the tears in my soul
Let me black out and tell you how I feel
And pretend it didn't happen in the morning
One day you'll look back and wonder why
You never said anything
I never said anything
But I didn't want to fuck it up
More than I already have
I fucked up
Again
And again
And again
I don't want you to be one of those
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