My priorities are out of whack
I hate that I work so much
But don’t say no to more of it
I know I need to play
I know I need to create
But I have no time to do that
For the sake of chasing paper
Hazard pay is worth pushing aside
The things that need to come out of me
Keep pushing them down
Suppress what you want
For the sake of financial freedom
So you can finally move out on your own
Between rent and student loans
I’ll have no money for food
Add on the utilities and I’m losing monthly
And if I get out
I can never go back
Rather be on the street than
Crawl back and admit I can’t handle it all
Deny deny deny
The one thing I learned from the president
It’s never my fault
Always a plot against me
Someone is out to hurt me
Make me look bad
I’m pretty sure that person is God
Just bored out of his mind
So he is fucking with me
Like he fucked with Abraham
I need to sacrifice my creativity
Just like he sacrificed Isaac
Only to be told to stop by god
Once the deed has been done
And there is no turning back
Just gave up the thing I wanted the most
And it’s all for nothing
I know it’s all gonna be meaningless
We get one life
Like everybody else
I selfishly want to leave an impact
Proof that I was here
I don’t want to be able to pack my life away into one box
Throw it in the trash
And have all traces disappear
Like I never really mattered
Always shown that I never really mattered
Told people like my siblings more than me
That if I threw a party no one would come
Well I don’t want them to come
I can’t stand fake friendship
Or faker people
I just want to live off of the thoughts in my brain
And the things I can make with my two hands
An honest living
Find people like me
And show them that they are not alone
That they matter
Be the person that no one ever is with me
Cause some days I really need that
Days like today
When I think the same toxic thoughts that I thought I moved past
But clearly haven’t
Salt my wounds for the thousandth time
Can’t let go of anything from my past
Goddamn my memories
Goddamn my brain
Goddamn it all
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